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LIONEL'S
READING ROOM
Albert Einstein was visited
one day by one of his students. "The questions on this year's exam
are the same as last year's!" the young man exclaimed. "Yes,"
Einstein replied, "but this year all the answers are different."
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more
and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and
glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright
moron."
H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)
Dear President Bush:
Thank you for
doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from you and understand why you
would propose and support a constitutional amendment
banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of
God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to
share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When
someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for
example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination... End of debate.
I do need some
advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus
25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring
nations. A friend of mine claims that this law applies to
Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I
own Canadians?
2. I would like
to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a
fair price for her?
3. I know that
I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The
problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most
women take offense.
4. When I burn
a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them?
5. I have a
neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I
morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the
police to do it?
6. A friend of
mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are
there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev.21:20
states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have
a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my
male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from
Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle
has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by
wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread
(cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and
blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all
the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone
them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at
a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
Mr. Bush, I know you have studied
these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable
expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.
(Author
Unknown) |
"To announce
that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to
stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and
servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
- Theodore Roosevelt |
- Being A Republican -
- Make The Pie Higher -
- The Quotable President -
 Things
you have to believe to be a Republican today:
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an
illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest national priority is
enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
Government should relax regulation of Big Business
and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use
marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
"Standing Tall for America'" means firing your
workers and moving their jobs to India.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but, multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of
homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise
the troops in speeches while slashing veterans'
benefits and combat pay.
Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless
you someday run for governor of California as a
Republican.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and
money.
HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of
the public at heart.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad
guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush
needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist
support for a war in which thousands die is solid
defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named
in the Constitution, which include banning gay
marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's
cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is
none of our business.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter
initiatives they have a right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is
irrelevant.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital
to a spirit of international harmony.
This
is a short poem made up entirely of actual
quotations from George W. Bush.
These have been arranged, only for aesthetic purposes, by Washington Post writer, Richard Thompson.
 MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
And potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being
And the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!
The
"Quotable" George W. Bush
"I am mindful of the difference between the executive branch and the
legislative branch. I assured all four of these leaders that I know the
difference, and that difference is they pass the laws and I execute
them." --Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2000
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" --Florence,
S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's
some kind of federal program." --St. Charles, Mo., Nov. 2, 2000
"I will do everything in my power to restrict abortions." -- George W.
Bush, Dallas Morning News, October 22, 1994
"I saw the report that children in Texas are going hungry. Where? You'd
think the governor would have heard if there are pockets of hunger in
Texas." -- George W. Bush, whose state ranks 2nd in total number of
children living in poverty, to Austin American, Statesman, 12/18/99
" Please," Bush whimpers, his lips pursed in mock desperation, "don't
kill me." -- Bush mocking what Karla Faye Tucker said on Larry King when
asked, "What would you say to Governor Bush?" prior to her execution by
lethal injection as reported by Talk Magazine, September 1999
"Sitting down and reading a 500-page book on public policy or philosophy
or something." --Bush naming something he isn't good at, Talk magazine,
September 1999.
"What I'm against is quotas. I'm against hard quotas, quotas that
basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas,
I think, vulcanize society."
-- George W. Bush (Austin American-Statesman 3/23/99)
"It's not the governor's role to decide who goes to heaven. I believe
that God decides who goes to heaven, not George W Bush." -- George W.
Bush
"The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's job
to interpret law." --Austin, Texas, Nov. 22, 2000
"As far as the legal hassling and wrangling and posturing in Florida, I
would suggest you talk to our team in Florida led by Jim Baker."
--Crawford, Texas, Nov. 30, 2000
"They misunderestimated me." --Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
"If this were a dictatorship it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so
long as I was the dictator." George W. Bush, 1/19/00
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my
case." --Pella, Iowa, as quoted by the San Antonio Express-News, Jan.
30, 2000
"They said, 'You know, this issue doesn't seem to resignate with the
people.' And I said, you know something? Whether it resignates or not
doesn't matter to me, because I stand for doing what's the right thing,
and what the right thing is hearing the voices of people who work."
--Portland, Ore., Oct. 31, 2000
"...if I'm the one, when I put my hand on the Bible, when I put my hand
on the Bible, that day when they swear us in, when I put my hand on the
Bible, I will swear to not--to uphold the laws of the land." --Toledo,
Ohio, Oct. 27, 2000
"That's a chapter, the last chapter of the 20th, 20th, the 21st century
that most of us would rather forget. The last chapter of the 20th
century. This is the first chapter of the 21st century." --On the
Lewinsky scandal, Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
"It's going to require numerous IRA agents." --On Gore's tax plan, Oct.
10, 2000
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